I am not sure what I should tell you, or rather, what I feel like telling you. By nature, I am a solitary creature seeking nothing more than the silence of my own home. Embittered and angry though I may be I have good reason to be. Moreover, it makes my anger rise even more to the surface when I think no one, not even the others who have known me for a long time, understand my anger. Oh, yes, I know it does not do them or me any good if they only receive my wrath. What if it is all I have left that truly belongs to me.

What should I tell you that you do not already know about me? I was the one who stole our precious Roman from all that he cherished or loved. Why, if you read the books penned by Lestat then you will know very well why I took him. I was a loyal Druid, a loyal man who understood tradition. I was raised on it that was all I knew. I took my devotion seriously so in a way if anything could be blamed for making Marius what he is today, blame it on the mystery of that part of my past, feverish worship. Spoken by the gentlest souls I ever knew in life.

I do not blame Marius for what I am now I chose this for myself. I went out seeking it, and to my horror, I found it. In a grove, much like my own. A vicious creature within the Oak beckoned to me that he should have blood and that then he would do as he was asked to. When then after it happened did he become so docile and complacent to my will? Even now I could offer hundreds of reasons, no doubt you’ve all come to rely on your own thoughts on that matter I will not burden you with mine.

I hated Marius; I loved him and envied him for his boldness, something I knew I could never be. I did help him once, or so I thought, as did my companion at the time. To see him in such a state, this beautiful, strong-willed man reduced to what; A limp creature slumbering on the floor of a long ago abandoned room? How could he be left alone? How could I in good conscious at the time leave him like that? Even if our anger upon that first meeting had bubbled to the surface and I knew that he hated me and as he put it, stop hating me until no end of time. The wording may not be correct, but the sentiment is the same.

Later when we did meet again he was as glorious as he had been since the night he left us...with her. There he was living a life I wanted but because of stubborn pride, I could not ask for his aid. He walked with mortals; let them come into his home, live with him. I was fascinated by him and them truly, but could I ever do such a thing? The bitter creature I was then…I am now? No, I did seek him out for the simple things I could see he wanted me gone from him as far as I could go. Even if at the time, I felt deeply wounded that when I did reach for him in the slightest way, the only way I knew how, he rejected me. I carry the burden of that even now.

Why do I tell you these things now? So you can see I have my reasons, few though they are, for being as angry and embroiled in my own bitterness. We cannot let go of the past it holds us with stark white fingers, with a grip like iron, so that we re-live even our deepest sorrows repeatedly. Am I obsessed with Marius, no; he was simply a large part of my past. Moreover, it is on him that I tend to focus. I have not heard from many of the others, Avicus among them.

I suppose he and a few others most like him are all I have in my chosen solitary existence. Do not ask me for more than I have shared here with you. I will not lay my entire life before you on the finest paper written in the finest script I possess. I am not like the rest who want their lives told, to be passed off as surplus fiction. Tantalizing as the words may be and their lives, I have glimpsed these pages,  knowing more than I care to know. It stirs within me a longing I have not felt in ages, and even now, as I write this out to you, who have come here seeking answers to all the questions you could think of and more my stirring ceases to exist. I am not like the others, what is love to me? If it at all existed in the first place. Now trouble me no more with your questions, let me have my peace.